This is an unpublished random interview I wrote many years ago for a 'zine I never published. I updated it slightly just for the sake of posting something to my otherwise desolate blog page.
An Interview with a local Auto Mechanic.
by David Dannenberg.
Me: Why do you hate me?
Mechanic: What? Is this part of the interview?
Me: Yes.
Mechanic: Um, I think you're okay, although I've only talked to you on the phone. But I can't stand that dress you're wearing.
Me: So you do in fact hate me?
Mechanic: Um, [chuckle] yes.
Me: So tell me about the new film you're working on. I hear it's a sort of "Blair Witch Project" meets "Dirty Dancing."
Mechanic: I had some film developed from my daughter's trip to Ohio, but there wasn't any dancing. I asked for matte finish, but the punk behind the counter forgot to write it on the film envelope. I told the kid that he had to give me some photos that were matte finish, or I'd punch him up bad. So he gave me another set of prints that had some ugly-ass kids on them.
Me: So the film isn't going well?
Mechanic: No. (((belch)))
Me: In this week's "Variety", it was reported that you were talking with Arsenio about doing an interactive DVD that explores his career. Isn't Arsenio dead?
Mechanic: Yes, but if you examine the current trend in interactive entertainment, you'll notice that defunct TV and movie franchises are selling extremely well, like the "Dukes of Hazzard" game, and Pixar is working on a "Magnum P.I." interactive-story DVD. Arsenio and I feel that this could be the next big thing in our careers, especially since it uses the same graphics engine employed in "Gears of War."
Me: Do you feel bad about the comments you made about former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien?
Mechanic: When I suggested that his voice had the shrill quality of a garden rake being scraped over Velcro, I was merely being cheeky. I didn't expect him to suddenly break out into hives like that. (((belch)))
Me: What sort of motor oil should I be using?
Mechanic: 5W-30 would be a good move, pal. If you've got the cash, use a synthetic.
Me: Thank you for your time. I'll be over here if you need me.
Mechanic: Get the Hell away from my tires.
An Interview with a local Auto Mechanic.
by David Dannenberg.
Me: Why do you hate me?
Mechanic: What? Is this part of the interview?
Me: Yes.
Mechanic: Um, I think you're okay, although I've only talked to you on the phone. But I can't stand that dress you're wearing.
Me: So you do in fact hate me?
Mechanic: Um, [chuckle] yes.
Me: So tell me about the new film you're working on. I hear it's a sort of "Blair Witch Project" meets "Dirty Dancing."
Mechanic: I had some film developed from my daughter's trip to Ohio, but there wasn't any dancing. I asked for matte finish, but the punk behind the counter forgot to write it on the film envelope. I told the kid that he had to give me some photos that were matte finish, or I'd punch him up bad. So he gave me another set of prints that had some ugly-ass kids on them.
Me: So the film isn't going well?
Mechanic: No. (((belch)))
Me: In this week's "Variety", it was reported that you were talking with Arsenio about doing an interactive DVD that explores his career. Isn't Arsenio dead?
Mechanic: Yes, but if you examine the current trend in interactive entertainment, you'll notice that defunct TV and movie franchises are selling extremely well, like the "Dukes of Hazzard" game, and Pixar is working on a "Magnum P.I." interactive-story DVD. Arsenio and I feel that this could be the next big thing in our careers, especially since it uses the same graphics engine employed in "Gears of War."
Me: Do you feel bad about the comments you made about former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien?
Mechanic: When I suggested that his voice had the shrill quality of a garden rake being scraped over Velcro, I was merely being cheeky. I didn't expect him to suddenly break out into hives like that. (((belch)))
Me: What sort of motor oil should I be using?
Mechanic: 5W-30 would be a good move, pal. If you've got the cash, use a synthetic.
Me: Thank you for your time. I'll be over here if you need me.
Mechanic: Get the Hell away from my tires.
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